feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
