I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i will never coherently bang her
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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