Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
