so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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