She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
