i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We are all done wearing pants today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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