my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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