I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
