well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
