Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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