I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I just shit out all my problems.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
