we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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