you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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