the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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