dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Did I show you my penis last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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