Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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