I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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