Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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