after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
