4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
