I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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