i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
