I just cut my nipple shaving
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
