Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
