apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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