you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
