I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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