I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
