come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
