Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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