real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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