Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
