$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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