My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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