Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
