I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
