i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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