I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
