So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
