your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
