literally had 100 drinks last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
