Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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