Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
