the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
