Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
