I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
