Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
