I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
