Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We got so high we made milksteak
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
