it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
