i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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