The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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